From: Jeff Gostin <jgostin@shell2.ba.best.com>
Newsgroups: bofh.general
Subject: Oy... life is too much like a movie
Date: 22 Apr 1998 18:46:38 GMT

You know, I was watching A Few Good Men (a great flick, btw), and realized
that BOFHery is very much like the Marine Corp. We have our ceremonies and
our color guards, etc etc... And we get to deal with people who don't
particularly have a clue, who don't really understand what we do, and don't
particularly care... until they need us. Therefore, I offer the following,
as an imaginary conversation between a Luser with a mail problem and a BOFH.
My apologies to Mr's Nicholson and Cruise for the spoof.

And, the obligatory smiley: 

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

You want to fix your own mail problems?
I think I'm entitled to it.
You want to fix your own mail problems?!
I want root access!
You can't handle root access!

The truth is, luser, this network is secured by systems with filters, and
those filters have to be updated by BOFHs with root access. Who's gunna do
it? You? You, Mr. OtherLuser? I have a greater responsibility than you can
possibly fathom!

You weep for the death of open relays and you curse the BOFHs. You have that
luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know... that the death of
open relays, while tragic, probably saved mail servers, and my job, while
grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saved mail servers.

You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at
sales meetings, you _want_ me to maintain those filters, you _need_ me to
maintain those filters.

We use words like RTB, Procmail, Closed Relays. We use these words as the
backbone of a life spent maintaining something. You use them as an action
item. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a
Luser who mails and responds on the very subnet that I maintain, then
questions the manner in which I maintain it. I would rather you said thank
you and went on your way, or pick up some O'Reilly books, and be on call.
Either way, I don't give a DAMN what you think you are entitled to.